


A Christmas Miracle

by Azuwrite



Series: December prompts [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Car Accident, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Force Ghost Han Solo, Grief/Mourning, Healing, I Love You, I Ship It, I know, Like LOTS of angst, Lots of tears, Okay done, SO SORRY, Sad with a Happy Ending, Secret Santa, Self-Hatred, When will the tags end?, ben the skeptic, everybody is a surgeon, not so graphic character death, sprinkling of crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:53:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21719491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Azuwrite/pseuds/Azuwrite
Summary: Ben’s dealing with grief, blaming himself for the loss of a family member. Rey wishes she could help him, but he pushes her away. They need work through the pain and begin the healing process; something a little Christmas miracle and force ghost can’t help!
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: December prompts [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559104
Comments: 13
Kudos: 62





	A Christmas Miracle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TazWren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TazWren/gifts).



> Made for TazWren’s prompt: “anything that has Christmas miracles, a grinch finding the spirit of Christmas, with the added spin of maybe a secret Santa or like the office grinch”
> 
> Well, I tried to combine as much as I could! Christmas miracles, grinchy Ben, secret Santa, and work relationship type situation lolll I really hope you like it bb 👏🏻 It ended up running away without me (aka this one shot was not supposed to be this long) 😂

[](https://ibb.co/4F4BYDN)

“Woah, what happened here?” Rey gawked at the mess that lay before her; scattered papers, fallen chairs, and spilled coffee.

Knelt to the ground, her friend and coworker, Finn, huffed while attempting to clean it up. As Rey bent over to help him, he raised a brow, looking at her with disbelief.

“Do I really need to say?” He asked, more as a statement than a question. 

She paused, only for a brief second before the ‘Ah’ moment hit her.

“Solo,” they both said in unison.

As she placed a stack of papers on the table, Rey’s eyes roved over the break room. Everywhere she looked screamed ‘It’s December!’ 

Christmas lights lit up door frames, fake snow rested on shelves, Holiday signs and knick knacks were scattered about the place, and Doc, the Elf on the Shelf, sat at the top of the small Christmas tree, alcoholic eggnog sampler in hand. She had to give props to whoever set up the elf everyday without being caught. 

Eyeing the festively decorated fish bowl on its respective countertop, Rey strolled over to shake some flaky fish food in. As the chubby goldfish known as BB the 8th ate away, she finally noticed that even the rocks in his bowl were replaced with green and red ones.

“Let me guess, this tantrum had something to do with Christmas?” Rey asked, smiling at the fish as he watched her with a blank expression. 

Finn sighed, cleaning the last of the mess. Shaking his head, he grabbed a Santa hat filled with pieces of folded paper from the table, holding it out in front of Rey. 

“We’re drawing our Secret Santa’s today. We all already know how much he  _ loves _ Christmas, then add  _ this _ on top of it…”

As Rey fished a hand through the names, she speaks up, “So he got Hux, huh?”

“He got Hux.”

She couldn’t help but cackle at the information. Not only did Ben hate Christmas and Secret Santa (he usually threw the gifts he received away within minutes), he hated Hux even more.

Grabbing a piece of paper, Rey pulled her hand from the hat, unfolding it and reading the name: Benjamin Solo - Cardio.

_ Damn _ . 

Karma  _ is _ a bitch they say.  _ Maybe I shouldn’t have laughed,  _ she thought, suddenly regretting her actions.

A slow smile spread across Finn’s face as he watched her before crossing his arms. “No way. You got him, didnt you?” 

“Yeahhh, I did,” she sighed. 

Rey didn’t dislike Ben Solo, in fact, she felt something deep inside pulling her toward him. She could see through the rough exterior, through the mask he puts on, and through the solid steel wall he throws up. He was misunderstood, lonely, and suffering.

Still, she dreaded being his Secret Santa, not looking forward to her gift to him being thrown in the trash.

“Isn’t it ironic?”

“Hmmm?” Rey hummed inquisitively, pocketing the folded paper and picking through a gifted fruit basket for a snack. 

“The guy HATES Christmas and comes off as a total robot; shows no emotions and does everything to benefit himself. Just ironic, for a cardiac surgeon.” Finn shrugged before plopping down on a loveseat, letting out a satisfied, yet tired sigh, and resting his feet on the coffee table. 

Rey’s face scrunched up at the words that were said. She didn’t like how the other doctors talked about Ben, despite the fact that he  _ was _ an ass. They just...didn’t understand what he’d been through.

“Isn't it ironic?” Rey pondered, dusting off a bright red apple before bouncing it up and down in her hand.

“What is?”

“That a pediatric surgeon would say something so mean and judge someone’s character so harshly.” Rey gave him a smirk before taking a juicy bite of her apple, waltzing out the door. Right as she was about to turn the corner, she called over her shoulder, “You never know what’s going on in someone’s life. Remember that.”

Then she was gone.

***

It was rigged. It  _ had _ to be! 

Everyone knew he hated Armitage Hux, the smug bastard always had it out for him, trying to get the upper hand since med school. He even had the balls to go into the same specialty as him; cardiology.

Now he was expected to get the asshole a Christmas present? Yeah right. Maybe he’d  _ actually _ skip this years work party. He rolled his eyes,  _ no _ , he thought that every year and every year his mother forced him to go, or he’d die a slow death through her lecturing and he didn’t want that. 

What the hell was he supposed to get the prick? He only thought about it for a moment before his lips curled into a mischievous smirk. Nobody said it had to be a  _ good _ gift.

At least giving Hux a crappy present brought him joy; none of this materialistic bullshit. Groaning, he glared at the blinding lights that hung from buildings and trees along the sidewalk.

Carolers sang Christmas jingles, unphased by the dreary weather. Undecided on what it wanted to do, the clouds drizzled a thick snowy shower, slush coating the ground below. 

Scoffing, he pulled the collar of his pea coat upward, avoiding eye contact with the merry singers. Skulking along, his boots splashed through grimey puddles, his breath fogging in the crisp night air.

He was coming up to the intersection,  _ the  _ intersection, his heart dropping to his stomach, just as it did every day. It always hurt to stand there; the images of blood and shattered glass, and the horrific sounds of screeching tires and screams flashed through his mind. 

They had been running late to Christmas dinner…

_ “Hey, kid, slow down! I know your mom isn’t a fan of tardiness, but you have a long life ahead of ya. Quit rushing everything.” _

_ Ben scoffed at his dad’s words, only slowing down a bit to appease him.  _

_ “One minute tacked onto our late total is another minute added to her lecture.” _

_ Han chuckled at that. “Too true.” _

_ The snowfall was heavy, intense winds pushing the vehicle with each gust. There weren’t many other cars about, given it was Christmas, which was a relief given the weather. _

_ “So…” Han tapped his fingers along his thigh, clearly about to bring up a subject that Ben may not enjoy.  _

_ “So…?” _

_ “Nice weather we’re having, don’tcha think?” Han stalled.  _

_ “What is it?” Ben rolled his eyes again. _

_ “How’s rey?” _

_ Ben was stunned, the sheer mention of her name bringing a blush to his face. He swallowed hard, mouth opening and closing, failing to find the right words to say. _

_ “You should bring her over for dinner sometime,” Han shrugged, “just sayin’.” _

_ “Why don’t YOU invite her over for dinner if you want her to come so badly?”  _

_ Shaking his head and huffing in frustration, Han placed a firm hand on his son’s shoulder. “Ben. When are we going to address the elephant in the room?” _

_ Ben lifted a brow at his father quizzically, not having the slightest idea what his father was going on about.  _

_ “You should ask her out! You’d be dense not to. _

_ If it makes you feel any better, she totally has a thing for you too.” _

_ How could he talk so casually about it?? _

_ “Dad!” He couldn’t believe he’d been figured out. Was he that obvious? “You have truly lost your mind, old man.” _

_ “C’mon Ben, I love her, your mom loves her, and you know how hard it can be to please your mother,” Han pauses, eyeing his son before continuing, “YOU _ love her…”

_ Ben’s eyes shot to his father, wide and panicked.  _ Love? Did he say  _ love _ ??  _ He hadn’t thought too deeply about his feelings for, though clearly there, but...love? Did he love rey…? _

_ The vehicle's tires gliding on ice brought Ben’s attention back to the road, the car slipping and sliding through the intersection. He pumped the brakes, the car slowly stuttering to a stop.  _

_ Before son or father could feel relief, a truck coming from the right skid off course too, pummeling into them with a mighty  _ CRASH. 

_ Everything went black. _

_ When Ben awoke, it was with a pounding in his head, an ear-splitting ring in his ears, a sore body, and blurred vision. He looked to his father, blinking away the fog in his eyes.  _

_ “D-dad? Are you alright?” _

_ No reply. _

_ “Dad?” _

_ His vision finally cleared, the ringing in his ears less prominent, the sound of blaring sirens takings it’s place. Eyes focused, he saw that the passenger seat was empty. Pupils constricting, his heart began to race, noting how the windshield was shattered open. Connecting the dots, he grew numb, his body begging him not to move. _

_ Eyes filling with tears, and lips trembling, all he could think to do was call out to him.  _

_ “Dad!” His voice was dry and scratchy, weak even, but he didn’t stop. _

_ “Dad!” _

_ “D-dad.” _

_ His voice began to fade, his body going limp and his consciousness slipping away. Voice barely a whisper, he called out one last time, “D...d-dad?” _

_ *** _

_ “B-ben...I’m so sorry…” the words were drenched in grief, so filled with turmoil, similar to his own gut-wrenching feelings. _

_ His stare bore through the wall in front of him as he lay in a hospital bed, tubes and bandages attached to his body. He couldn’t comprehend what had just happened, a slurry of emotions coming and going, but once her trembling hand found his shoulder, anger took over. _

_ Slapping it away, he glared up at her, her eyes puffy and red from shed tears. She seemed shocked by his reaction, stepping back in disbelief. _

_ “Sorry won’t bring my father back!” He spat, teeth clenching tightly. _

_ “I...I can go, leave you to grieve?” Rey offered, trying to force a smile. _

_ He wasn’t finished. He needed someone to blame, anyone but himself. Before she could reach the door, he ground out, “It’s all your fault. You’re a trauma surgeon, you’re supposed to save lives and now he’s dead.  _ **_You_ ** _ were supposed to help him.” _

_ “The chances weren’t…” _

_ Ben scoffed. “The chances. Don’t give me that Rey. You failed today. You  _ **_failed_ ** _.” _

_ Without another word, she left, a fresh stream of tears running down her cheeks. Little did he know that she looked over her shoulder one last time, just as sadness washed over him; his body hunching over and his arms wrapping around his abdomen as he began crying quietly to himself.  _

***

Ben felt his lips quiver, his eyes pricking with tears as the painful memory played in his head. He carried so much guilt, so much anger...for himself. He never should have said those things to Rey, he regretted it every day.

After that day, he avoided her like the plague, only communicating with her when absolutely necessary for work. She must  _ hate  _ him after the venomous things he said to her.

It wasn’t her fault anyway...it was his.

_ If I wasn’t going so fast...would he still be here? If I had just slowed down like he told me to...would my father still be alive? _

Tears fell now as he remained at the edge of the sidewalk, hair and clothes dampening under the falling snow. People crossed the street time and time again as he continued to stare off into the sky, feet inches from the crosswalk.

Realizing he had been zoning out for far too long, he stepped out onto the crosswalk, his mind still racing with toxic thoughts.

_ I should have told him to buckle his seatbelt. I should have been driving slower. I should have kept my eyes on the road. I should have started pumping the brakes sooner. I should have told him how much I loved him. _

Two sounds shook him from his thoughts, a familiar voice screaming out his name, and the screeching of tires coming from the bus that was hurtling toward him. Like a deer caught in the headlights, he stood frozen in place, and in that moment, he was certain he was going to die, his eyes shut tightly as he waited for impact. 

But he didn’t die…

He felt a push from behind, hands on his back as he fell forward, the bus narrowly missing him. Once he landed on the cement, his head jolted up, his eyes searching for whoever shoved him, prepared to see something gruesome.

Nothing.

There was a break in traffic, Rey standing on the other side of the road, fear then relief coating her expression. Cheeks flush and breaths heavy, she looked both ways before dashing across the street to check on him.

“Ben! Are you okay?!” She helped him up, the sudden hand that touched his face sending a tingling warmth up his spine.

“D-did you push me out of the way?”

She shook her head, still checking him over meticulously. “I saw you step out into the crosswalk. I saw the bus coming and tried to yell out to you, but I was too far away to do anything. I tried getting to you as fast as I could, but it wasn’t fast enough. I was certain I was about to watch you die.” She shuttered, body still running on adrenaline.

Ben pondered, he swore he felt someone shove him out of the way. “Did you see the person who  _ did _ push me out of the way?”

“Ben, nobody else was around. It was like…” she paused.

“Like what?”

“A Christmas miracle!” She beamed, excitement in her eyes.

His face instantly went to his default expression; annoyed. Crossing his arms, he shook his head at her. “Rey, were doctors. Let’s be realistic, this was  _ not _ a miracle. Especially not the Christmas kind.” 

Ben continued to walk, unsure of whether or not Rey would follow. She did.

“Then you explain what happened,” she challenged.

“Maybe my body leapt into action before I could process what was happening. Maybe I simply lost my footing.” Weak arguments as they were, given he didn’t feel either of those things happening in the moment, it was better than  _ Christmas miracles _ .

“Oh please, clearly you felt something...or someone.” Then she stopped in place, mulling it over. “What if…”

Ben stopped, releasing a long sigh before turning around. “Okay, I’ll bite.  _ If _ , what?”

“What if it was a guardian angel?”

It felt like a lifetime passed between them as Ben looked at her like some kind of unamusing comedian failing to land the joke. Without a word, he turned and began walking again. 

“Ben...what if it was your dad?”

An icy chill ran through his body, a boiling rage building in his gut. Trying his best not to completely lose it, he bit at the insides of his cheeks before facing her again, a seriousness in his eyes.

“That’s not funny, Rey,” he warned.

“I’m not trying to be funny.”

Lips tightening together, Ben charged forward, stopping just before her. “There is  **_no_ ** such thing as ghosts.”

“You don’t know that.”

Running a hand over his face, he walked away in fear of yelling at her in a public place. She was persistent, following him along his walk home.

“Ben...you  _ can _ talk about your dad. You have people who care about you, who  _ want  _ to listen.”

If she continued, he knew the interaction wouldn’t end well.

“Look, I’ve gotta get home,” Ben groaned.

“Ben...I know you blame yourself. It’s not your fault.” 

The words struck him, his heart tightening in his chest as he tried to fight off the welling in his eyes. The only person that knew about his immense guilt and self-hatred was himself. He couldn’t let her see that she was getting to him.

“I  **never** said that  _ any  _ of it was my fault!” He growled, a deep frown on his face.

He watched as her expression sunk, eyes drifting to her feet.

“Yeah, you made it pretty clear that it was  _ my  _ fault. You don’t have to remind me.”

Just like that, she was gone, running off as quickly as her legs could take her.

_ Damnit! I’m such an idiot!  _ He berated himself, traveling the rest of the way home and telling himself he’d apologize the next time he saw her.

***

“Rey?”

Rey looked up from where she sat at a cafeteria table, watching as Leia stood on the other side, a tiny and terribly wrapped present in hand.

Still a bit down from her last interaction with Ben, she replied with a vacant expression, “Leia...did you need me for something?”

“Y-yes dear. Can I take this seat?” She motioned to the chair in front of Rey.

Rey nodded her head, continuing to pick at the food on her tray, wondering why exactly she grabbed it when she wasn’t hungry.

“I was going through some of our Christmas boxes and…” she pushed the package toward Rey, arms shaking as she did so, “I found this.”

Rey watched the other woman’s face, looking as though she’d seen a ghost, before her eyes travelled down to the gift.

“What is it?”

Leia swallowed, trying to speak at a normal volume, her words only coming out in soft whispers. “It’s for you...from,” she cleared her throat, “from Han.”

Rey dropped her fork, looking as though  _ she _ had seen a ghost. She willed herself to pull the present closer, examining the worn, crumpled, wrapping paper. It  _ did _ seem like the inexperienced way he would have clumsily wrapped a present. 

Despite knowing it hadn’t been opened, she had to ask, “What’s in here?”

Leia’s eyes filled with tears, so certain she would never experience anything new in regards to her husband. She shook her head. “I have no idea.”

Letting out a nervous sigh, she began to tear at the paper, each strip pulled away felt like desecrating his memory for some reason. Wincing, she pulled the last of it off, leaving only an average box underneath.

Reaching out to grab Leia’s hand, Rey squeezes tightly. “Are you ready?” 

Leia found she couldn’t use her voice, so she simply nodded, eager and terrified at what may be inside. 

Popping it open, Rey and Leia peered inside, a letter and Han’s lucky dice inside. Rey’s hand shot up to her mouth, teardrops trickling down her face. When Rey looked at Leia, she saw a sense of peace wash over her, happy tears in her eyes, and a gentle smile on her face.

Leia reached toward the box, stopping just short of the dice. “May I?” She asked. 

Rey nodded and Leia picked them up, seemingly saving every dent, edge, and glimmer to memory. When she had finished thoroughly holding, examining, and looking it over, Leia placed it back into the box gently.

“This was one of your husband's most prized possessions, you should have it.” Rey moved to pick up the dice, but Leia placed a comforting hand upon hers.

“Don’t be silly child. It was a gift to  _ you _ . You were like a daughter to him, to  _ us _ . You deserve it, truly,” the older woman reassured.

Finally giving in, Rey nodded. Moving on, she picked up the letter, opening and deciding to read it out loud.

_ Rey, _

_ You’ve spent so many years keeping this old man company while working on cars. I want you to have these, and I know you’ll fight me on it, but you better believe me when I say I want you to have them.  _

_ Now, for the elephant in the room; Ben. I know he can be hard to get along with for some and he isn’t always the easiest guy to understand, but you do.  _

_ As a parent, you see the good and light in your child and Ben means the world to me and his mother, though we may not have been the best at letting him know that.  _

_ You on the other hand, you know his flaws and are still there for him. You know how intelligent, caring, and genuinely special he is. That kid deserves someone who loves him as much as we do, someone that understands just how special and good of a person he is. That person is you. _

_ I know that knucklehead loves you, though I don’t think he’d be the first person to realize it, and I know you love him too. Point is, you should ask him out sometime, you’d be dense not to. _

_ I am so proud of the incredible surgeons you both have become and I see a bright future ahead for you. _

_ Enough of the mushy stuff. We’re having a New Years Eve party, wanna come? You should. Ben will be there. _

_ Anyway, Merry Christmas kid! _

  * _Just to clarify, I’m not bribing you to date my son with lucky dice. Just spilling the tea...is that how you guys say it? I don’t know._



Folding the letter back up, Rey watched as Leia’s body quaked with sobs, her face damp with fallen tears. Rey hesitated a moment before resting her hand on Leia’s shoulder, rubbing it softly.

“Oh! Ben needs to read this! He’s been suffering since his father passed away. He blames himself fully for it. He needs to know how much his father loved him, no matter what.” The woman trembled, a bittersweet sight.

Leia swiped at her eyes, realization hitting her as she took Rey’s hand in her own. “I’m sorry dear. I shouldn’t assume that you want to share this letter with anyone else. It is  _ your  _ letter. You do with it what you wish.”

It was all too much to process as Rey stared wordlessly at the package. She didn’t know what to do. She wasn’t expecting anything like this. Should she give the letter to Ben? Does he even  _ want  _ to talk to her?

“Thank you Leia. I’ll think about it and let you know, I promise.” Rey smiled, reaching over to hug the woman who had helped her through her college years, the woman who had always supported her and took her under her wing. 

“No, thank  _ you, _ Rey.”

***

_ Ben had been having dreams every night since his incident with the bus; some were about Rey, some about his father, and the rest were about the accident. Either way, he never woke up feeling rested, he only woke feeling shattered.  _

_ This dream was no different as he stood in a completely white space, nothing else in sight. He looked about, afraid of what may happen next. Would the accident replay in his head? Would his father tell him he’d never forgive him for letting him die? Would Rey leave him behind, realizing the awful person he was? _

_ He honestly wouldn’t blame her, she had been avoiding him at work, and whenever he did see her, he would lose the courage to approach her, to apologize.  _

_ The words played in his head, “It’s your fault” and “you  _ **_failed_ ** _.” _

_ God, he was the worst. _

_ “Don’t beat yourself up so much kid.” _

_ Ben’s eyes widened, he would recognize that gravelly voice anywhere; his dad.  _

_ He turned around, his father standing behind him, looking just the way he always had; midlife crisis jacket, and cocky smirk. _

_ “D-dad?” _

_ “Hey, kid. How’ve you been?” _

_ Ben shook his head. “No, this is just a dream. You’re just a figment of my imagination.” _

_ “Hmmm could be, I suppose.” Han shrugged, stepping closer. _

_ “Watch. I’ll just tell myself to wake up. Has always worked in the past.” He shut his eyes, preparing to wake up. _

_ “You could do that, but you’d miss this opportunity to talk to your father one last time.” _

_ Though he knew the idea was crazy, Ben couldn’t bring himself to wake up. He needed to know this wasn’t real. _

_ “How am I supposed to know this isn’t a dream?” Ben questioned, trying to remain stoic in his uncertainty. _

_ “I can’t prove it now, but you will know by the end of the night tomorrow. Secret Santa is tomorrow night and I know who got your name.” _

_ Ben scoffed, “How would you know that? You’re…” he lowered his voice, “you’re dead.” _

_ “Yeah...I am, but you’re not the only one I’ve visited tonight.” _

_ Ben rolled his eyes; how cryptic. _

_ “Fine. I’ll take your word for it. What does the Secret Santa have to do with this?” _

_ “There’s something hidden within your gift. Find what’s inside and you’ll know.” _

_ “Wow, this is a whole lot of crazy. I should check myself into a psych ward,” Ben let out a heavy sigh before taking a seat upon the ground. _

_ “I know this is a lot to take in, but I need to say something before you wake up.” _

_ Ben looked up at his father, his lips pulling together anxiously. “What is it?”  _

Here it is _ , he thought,  _ he’s going to tell me how much of a disappointment I am, how this is all my fault.

_ “Don’t blame yourself. You have so much life left to live. I don’t want you squandering it over me. I know you’ve been in pain, and you have healing to do, but I want you to live a full and happy life...not becoming a shell of the man you were.” _

_ Tears welled in Ben’s eyes. He knew this likely wasn’t real, but none of his dreams where his father appeared had he talked to him like this. He always blamed his son in the other dreams, cursing him and haunting him. _

_ “Also, you need to apologize to Rey. That poor girl isn’t at fault either. She tried her damned hardest to keep me alive, and dreaded having to break the news to you and your mother. She wanted nothing more than to keep me alive.” _

_ “I know,” Ben whimpered. _

_ “You know she’s the best trauma surgeon you’ve ever met.” _

_ “I know…” Ben cried. _

_ “That girl cares about you and you treated her like garbage!”  _

_ “I know!” Ben screamed, a sob ripping from his throat. “I...I know…” _

_ This would be just like his father...to torture him after death about his shitty decisions in regard to Rey. Ben couldn’t believe it, but he was starting to believe this was real. _

_ “Did...did you push me?” Ben’s voice wavered, almost scared of the idea that his dad was there with him in that moment.  _

_ “Out of the way of the bus? Yeah, I did. It wasn’t your time kid,” Han responded gently, his hand messing up his son’s hair the way he always had. _

_ Sobs racked his body. He hadn’t been able to save his father’s life, but his father saved his, even in death. _

_ “Why...why did you save me...after I failed you?” _

_ “Son, you’ve  _ **_never_ ** _ failed me and you never could. I am proud of you. The weather was bad and my dumbass chose not to wear a seatbelt. My bad decision left my family and loved ones in pain and broken. Don’t put that guilt and burden onto yourself, Ben.” _

_ Letting out a shaky sigh, Ben could feel the tug of alertness. He would wake any minute now. Rising from the ground, he reached out, wrapping his arms around his father. _

_ This had to be real, it felt so real. He closed his eyes and just felt the moment, never wishing to forget it. His father smelled just the way he remembered, and his hug was warm and comforting, just as it felt when he was a child. He didn’t want it to end, didn’t want to have to say goodbye.  _

_ “I know it’s hard, but you have to go make things right.” Han placed a hand on his son’s cheek, wiping away the tears that fell. _

_ “I miss you. I feel like I’m being torn apart.” _

_ “I miss you too kid, but I’ll be with you. You’ll get through this, I promise.” _

_ “Dad...I…” _

_ “I know. I know Ben,” Han said before fading, leaving nothing but white before Ben woke from his sleep, a strange sort of weight off his shoulders. _

_ *** _

Everyone screamed with joy, many drunk off their asses as they socialized at the work party. Phasma and Hux had disappeared, likely in a broom closet somewhere, Phasma dominating him with a strap-on.

Poe did what he always did, flirted with Rose and Finn. Ben still didn’t know what the situation was there. Ultimately, his eyes always came back to Rey, sitting on the windowsill, looking out onto the festively lit streets below.

Secret Santa time came and went, Ben being the last to open his gift. As people opened their presents, the potential recipients went down, leaving Rey. His gift was from Rey…and his father his something away inside it...what could it be?

He could tell she watched him nervously, probably afraid he’d throw it in the trash; a fair assumption honestly. 

As he was handed his box, he noted that there were two, with a note scribbled out on the very top. He picked up the note, reading it to himself: ‘open the small box first. Wait til you’re alone to open the second.’

Releasing a heavy sigh, he tore into the first present, the tiny box haunting him with its potential importance. Pulling the lid off, he looked in, his heart skipping a beat when he saw its contents; his father’s lucky dice.

He slapped the lid back on, almost in disbelief at what was happening. Had his father given Rey the dice? They had long thought they were lost, yet here they were. 

Rising from his seat, he headed toward the balcony, gift boxes in hand and eyes glistening from the emotional shock of what was happening. Opening the door, his eyes met Rey’s.

Motioning outside, he spoke through the trembling in his throat. “Rey, would you come with me?”

Silently, she followed. They stood on the balcony, a heaviness to the air around them. They both stared intensely at the other, puffs of breath fogging the air between them.

“Where...where did you get these?” Ben lifted the small box, eyes filled with a softness she hadn’t seen in a very long time.

“Your mother found Han’s Christmas present to me from last year...that’s what he gave me…along with something else.” She motioned to the other present, eyes tinged with tears, watching the way Ben seemed lighter, more at ease.

He opened the second gift; a picture frame, he noted. He turned it over, finally realizing what it was; a letter from his father. With trembling lips and stinging eyes, he began to read. He couldn’t believe it, seeing the scribble of his father’s handwriting, the recognizable way he talked, and the words he had written…

Tears fell freely, his body slumping. He shook with sobs, a sort of relief washing over him after reading the entirety of his father’s letter to Rey. He had carried so much guilt and pain from the accident and the weight was finally being lifted.

In an instant, he pulled Rey into his arms, baring his heart and soul to her completely. He had a lot to make up for, and he would start doing that now.

“Rey...I’m so sorry. I never should have said all the hurtful things I said to you. None of what happened was your fault...I was just looking for someone to blame other than myself...I’m so sorry.”

He could feel her body loosened in his arms, the same relief being gifted to her. Though it was quiet, he heard a tiny “Thank you” leave her lips.

Pulling back, he looked her in the eyes, finally willing to share his feelings and hurt with another. “I was so broken. I blamed myself for what happened. I  _ hated _ myself. I don’t know if it was because we were talking about you right before we crashed, because you were his surgeon, or because you cared enough to look out for me, but I pushed you away. I associated you with my father’s death and let you take the fall. I...I don’t deserve your kindness…”

Rey’s hand lifted, resting against his cheek, wiping away stray tears. She shook her head. “It’s okay Ben, so many of us were broken by Han’s passing. It was hard and I just...I wanted to lessen your pain, but I didn’t know how…” her eyes dropped to the floor, uncertain in what to say next.

Placing a finger under her chin, he raised her gaze to meet his. “You’re so selfless. I’m so sorry I took you for granted. You needed to grieve too and I only made the process worse for you…I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you.”

Rey grinned from ear to ear, loving the way the old Ben started to come out. “You better,” she teased. “You said you guys were talking about me that night...what were you talking about?” She asked, hands finding their way into his.

“Oh, that...uh,” his face lit up, his stomach suddenly nauseous with nervousness. 

“I thought you said you’d make it up to me,” she joked, “anyway, if it’s something you don’t want to talk about, please don’t worry about it.”

“It was almost word for word what he had written in your letter...you know…about the ‘elephant in the room’,” his face flushed his eyes desperately searching for something to look at.

_ Hey, that brick looks pretty cool. I guess we’ll stare at that _ .

“Oh…” When Rey realized what he meant, her face turned the same shade as his; a deep pink. 

There were bolts of electricity that seemed to jolt up their fingers where their hands were joined, a heat prickling at the back of their necks. 

Naturally, they slowly drifted toward each other, their hearts racing faster with each inch that disappeared between them.

Still moving closer, Rey whispered quietly, “I still do.”

“Still, what?” Ben asked breathlessly, her brilliant pink lips so close to his.

“Love you,” she muttered, tears pricking at her eyes, her lip quaking with her own confession.

He snaked a hand around her waist, pulling her to him completely. His mouth descended upon hers, his heart soaring with indescribable joy. He couldn’t believe she had felt the same way he did after all this time. He had wanted this for so long and it was finally happening.

It was better than either of them could ever have imagined, their lips fitting together perfectly, the feather soft touch leaving their hearts thrumming warmly and their stomachs fluttering with excitement.

Reluctantly pulling apart, Ben pressed his forehead to hers before placing a delicate kiss to the top of her head. “I love you too, Rey. So much.”

He held her for minutes longer, the couple swaying back and forth, hands rubbing lovingly along the others back. As Ben’s cheek rested atop Rey’s head, the words his father had spoken to him in his dream came rushing back. He needed to find what he had hidden.

Ben lifted the small box containing his father’s prized dice, offering it to Rey. “As much as I appreciate this gift, I want you to have the dice. My father wanted  _ you _ to have them, so please, take them.”

Rey nodded, feeling no need to argue a fight that she wouldn’t win. She took the box into her hands, running a hand over it affectionately. “I will take good care of them. They’re going up in the Millenium Falcon, where they belong.”

“I’m glad he left you that car in his will. Nobody loved that car as much as he did, but you.” Ben chuckled. “The dice are yours, but could I take a peek at them real quick?”

Rey nodded, figuring he wanted a moment to observe them like a Leia had. Ben pulled the lid off the box, sliding his hand in and pulling out the dice. There it was, he could see the tiny latch on the side of one die. He slipped a finger across it, watching as it popped open, a tiny scrap of paper inside.

“Woah! How'd you know there was something in there?” Rey gawked.

“Seemed like the kind of thing he’d do,” Ben lied. One day he’d tell Rey what happened in his dream, but for now, that moment was his alone.

Pulling it out, Ben opened it, Rey reading over his shoulder: ‘I ship it’.

_ Wow,  _ they both thought, staring at it blankly.

_ What a troll _ , Ben thought as he slipped the paper back inside its home.

He took Rey’s hand in his, both deciding it was time to head home for the night. Standing on Rey’s front porch, they had to say their good nights. 

“Today was…” Ben looked at her, eyes filled with adoration.

“Magical? Filled with miracles?” Rey offered, a sly smirk on her face.

Ben shook his head, chuckling quietly before placing a kiss to her hand. “Sure...is even say it was filled with  _ Christmas _ miracles.”

They took the time to exchange a few more heart-melting kisses before pulling apart, both completely love drunk as the space between them grew greater. Rey stumbles through her doorway while Ben nearly tumbled clumsily down her steps.

Rey began to close the door and Ben decided quickly to tell one more thing over his shoulder, a goofy grin on his face. “Christmas dinner tomorrow night?”

“Yes! I’d love to.”

**Author's Note:**

> What did everyone think? Love reading and responding to comment so please feel free to drop one!


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